Creating a Life You Don’t Want to Escape
by Elana Hunter, LPCC-S
Many of us know what it feels like to want an escape hatch from our own lives. For some, it’s pouring a drink at the end of a stressful day. For others, it’s disappearing into fantasy worlds, binge-reading, diving into hours of gaming, or mentally checking out altogether through dissociation. These strategies can offer temporary relief—an exhale from the pressure. But if escaping becomes the primary way we cope, it’s often a sign that something deeper needs care.
The good news? It’s possible to build a life that you want to be present in. The process isn’t about perfection, and it’s not about removing all stress. It’s about cultivating a life that feels meaningful, manageable, and enjoyable.
Why We Escape
Escape isn’t inherently bad—everyone needs moments of rest and play. But when we’re constantly searching for a way out, it’s usually because our inner or outer worlds feel overwhelming, empty, or misaligned with our needs. People tend to escape when:
Their stress consistently outweighs their support
They feel disconnected from their values
Their life structure leaves little room for rest or pleasure
They feel powerless to change the things that hurt
They’re emotionally overloaded and don’t have skills or capacity to cope
Escaping brings short-term comfort, but often leaves the long-term issues untouched. And over time, we may begin to feel even more stuck.
Being Present
Creating a life you don’t want to escape doesn’t mean eliminating challenges or expecting yourself to feel joyful all the time. It means designing a life that supports your nervous system, honors your values, and allows you to stay present more often than you run.
Presence grows when your everyday life feels aligned with who you are and where you want to go.
Three Pillars of a Life You Want to Live
1. Make Life Manageable
We cannot be present in a life that chronically overwhelms us.
Making life manageable may involve:
Reducing commitments that feel exhausting
Focus your time and energy on projects that matter most to you
Breaking big problems into small, actionable steps
Creating routines that help your days flow more smoothly
Asking for help from friends, family members, or professionals
2. Make Life Meaningful
Meaning is not about grand gestures or dramatic passion. It’s about living in alignment with what matters most to you.
Consider asking yourself:
What values do I care about most?
Where in my life do I feel connected, purposeful, or proud?
What are small ways can I help make the world a better place?
Meaning can come from creative work, relationships, service, spirituality, learning, or simply living kindly. Even tiny daily actions—reading with your child, cooking a meal, checking on a friend—can bring grounded purpose.
3. Make Life Enjoyable
Pleasure is not optional.
Enjoyment fuels resilience, presence, and satisfaction. Ask:
What activities elicit joy or comfort?
What sensory experiences help me relax?
What hobbies make me lose track of time (in a healthy way)?
Enjoyment is a stabilizing force that helps balance the distress and challenges that life inevitably brings. When you feel the urge to escape, pause and identify the source of your distress. Then offer yourself comfort and compassion in response. With practice, you’ll become better able to stay present—even during moments of discomfort—without needing to retreat from your own life.
How to Begin
Meaningful change often starts with small shifts. Choose one update to your week to begin:
Swap one evening of numbing per week for one evening of nourishing.
Start each morning with a small delight instead of scrolling—whether it’s a song you love, a favorite scent in the shower, a brief walk in fresh air, or a cup of coffee or tea that feels comforting.
Add one enjoyable activity to your week that’s just for you.
Prioritize one relationship that energizes you.
Notice one place in your life where you already feel good.
Small changes create momentum. Momentum becomes habit.
A Life Worth Staying For
When we intentionally shape our lives to support who we are—rather than who we think we should be—the need to escape softens. We begin to feel more grounded, connected, and empowered.
And slowly, the urge to run fades—not because we force ourselves to stay, but because we have built something worth staying for.